okay.. off i go.. discarding livejournal and moving to http://saypinkshit.tumblr.com

=))

okay, i just watched boygirl thing. months ago when i hurriedly skip through the whole thing, i thought it was just some stupid movie. but hey, then i watched it again today and i learned some things. it s educational, well other than the WTF and ditto thingi language. many a times, we need to be in other people's shoes in order to see ourselves as a whole. i mean not literally in them but think things from their perspective.. you never know, life would be so much better than you think it was.

inspiration to writing a song again. but wth.. im supposed to be doing my work.. anything that makes me happy. ahha..

i love the way you twitch your nose when you smile.
everyime i see you i would freeze
everytime i look at you our eyes meet
but it was just seconds and you walk away


i thought of this yesterday just write. who cares.. .hmm..

look, i know i know, it s my job to study. i, too, want to study. but i dont know what s stopping me.. temptations? aRHGGG...
there are so many who want to study yet given their circumstances, they cant. blessing in disguise..

anyway, i bought two bags, both are nice. one is shoulder bag, the other is back pack(a smaller version) also, i bought a hoodie, i ve not confirm yet. soon soon =)) online shopping rules.. hahas.. it really gives those who do not have the patience to shop in malls a chance to shop.. =)) 

okay.. so fulfiling. now, study time.. ciaoo

oh great. im feel.... arhg.. giving inane excuses just to give myself a break when i dont even deserve one..

today was fruitful both mentally and physically =)
okay... i officially love hello kitty. lols. seriously, i shall own a hello kitty house but first thing first my GUITAR!!! i don need a pink one because i saw an 88 bucks acoustic guitar at some second hand shop.. looks new and nice.. worth buying i think =)) but at home already have four guitars ... wtheck .. im still going to buy one?? thinking thinking...

ooosh... sense of satisfaction after swimming. lol.. if i m not wrong, the time when i last swam was like 5years ago?? yes indeed, not even once since i entered secondary. and surprisingly i can still fit the outfit. i mean it s not because i think im slim(which im not!) but duh, hello all swim wear can be stretched! duh.. wth.

anyway, i m starving now but trying to control here.. arhg.. looking at my subway cookies, expire date?? TOMORROW!! yet, i chose this time to lose weight, and they chose this time to give out cookies.. ARHG!!! but i think i can manage the hunger.. i wont die please.. i ll just eat apple for dinner... considering i had egg, meat and rice for lunch.. oh talking about lunch, I WENT HOME TODAY!!! ahahhas yes!!! though i cancelled out on hannah and laopo.. but i really hope they understand. it has been a long time since i last went home.. home sick here.. so i ran home without thinking today considering we ended school at like 9.45pm?? lols.. yesh.. so i intended to ask hannah to call me when she s half way through but when it was twelve, i really wished to stay at home.. well, i was introduced to kor kor's girlfriend, Naomi Chan.. yeup.. naomi is also from 90210.. lol, but this naomi chan is definitely not a bitch like the naomi in 90210 so relax. lols.. i watched true blood, bring it on fourth series, wild child, and i played the guitar!! FINALLY and sang with brother.. lols. .

OoO he actually completed a pretty nice piece of art using the coloured cardboard.. nice job.. he can actually do cards, thinking how many times he had asked me to help me... oh FYI, he did the card to celebrate he and naomi's first month together.. and it seems that naomi have not given him her present for him.. lols.. okay all the romantic stuff should occur in the cinema itself, which i think they are watching now.. lols.. hope they last.. she seems to be a pretty good catch.. so hope he will treat her well =)) 
wah.. im such a nice sister lols. although he didn give me any thing for my birthday except a happy birthday and offering me 2 bucks..
okay, had the urge to buy clothing, but couldnt find any that suits me.. so i went to the usual place: popular.. yes, and decided to make a card for wexixun's birthday.. AWW.. i received his card. he sent it like two months ago. but i jsut got it when i went home just now.. lols.. his hand writing definitely improved and guess what, i shall give me some hello kitty stuff and a pair of boxers for his birthday!! lol... i shall post it to australia. =)) so excited. but i need to buy his present by tmr!! so i can post it fast!! by next week..

seriously, i have a problem. okay maybe problems. i cant blame my dad for upbringing me like that... we were left by ourselves since what i was 6? always placed at some restaurant or center and roam about on our own. tell me how the hell i know about tidiness? about saving?? about things i should know.. look at me now.. everything i do, dad complains, aunt complains sometimes friends tell me about it.. of course i know and im aware. but habit dies hard, very often, i found myself doing those things again and yet i have no idea it s wrong until i was told that i was wrong.

okay im sorry if i did somethings wrong but i really dont know until you tell me.. nvm.pointless arguement..

just vexed..

losing is just an experience. get over it. but it s so cool to be able to play real badminton you know, the way they hold their racket, smash the shuttle cock and pick up the shuttlecock. so nice.. and natural..

anwyay, promos are really near. like a month from now. officially starting on chemistry. econs and math are pretty much done. but physics. die. gp also. bu still getting hang of econs .. need time.

the unexpected.

silent blessing from me.

lonely street..

a song i wrote.

called i had enough..


good enough. have the tune in my heard but i need my guitar!! i miss home!!

my light list is still waiting...

just hope i do well, try my best.

okay, i had a terrible yesterday, maybe i brought all these upon myself. terrible.. okay.. i wrote a song when i was unwell.. what a good inspiration...

i love all my hello kitty presentS!!! 

i need to do work!!! 

hmmm.. oh, did i mention that i passed my umpire course!!! i can be an umpire for netball!!! lols. so eexcited. imagine fenni standing at the side lines of a netball court, with a black whistle and sport skirt with tight t shirt. OMGosh i think everyone will run away even before the game starts... lols.

anyway, ya, had netball today.. it was so tiring, like it has been years since i last ran. then i saw ummm... just find him attractive.. lols. anyway.. just an eye candy.. no big deal. ahhas.
anyway, im so into guitar now.. really inspired. just wrote another song. but i think it s crap...

oh, derrick's good!!! really good at playing piano!! he just listen to the music and he just gets the tune and starts playing... same as eddie.. who plays drums well and just have to listen to the person playing guitar and he can just play a beat... anyway, both are cool!! i cant deny guys are better than guys in this area... =(( though im very reluctant. ahhahs...

im full... just ate rice..

okay like a vampire dying for blood. im dying to compose songs and play guitar, im dying to wait for exams to end, im dying to hope for good grades, im dying.... 

im dying just writing all these things when i cant actually do them now..

haix.still struggling with math and physics. im good with econs now that i understand the concepts except for some, im bad at chem but that can wait cause i need to finish math and physics this week which is possible if i stop using the net.
okay. i ve been trying to study which i did and i have yet to get tired of it in fact, im getting the momentum, but i ve become what do you call.. erm...  a bitch.. as in i don want to go out with friends or anyone. see, i was asked to go to astons for dinner after school before tuition but i didn want to, i didn want to travel, i wanted to save money. i just didn want to go to cathay... i thought this can wait until after exams. then, i was asked to go for my birthday party on 18 sep. but i cant because my exams are around the corner, and it is important to me as i need to get at least C or Ds to promote and drop one subj to H1. haix. disappointment. i thought i could manage but i was too naive. i wasnt that smart nore hardworking.

right, pointless rebuttal.. anyway.. composed a song called "friday".. i told my brother to keep a lookout for a pink guitar for me.. im so going to buy after promos considering i ve been saving some money....
i cant wait going to charis house to play guitar.. and sing all day... =)) i cant wait to upload videos onto youtube... but of course good grades first. okay. need to continue studying.. bye...

I shall compose a song titled "FRIDAY'S COMING'' lols. just random comment. alright created a youtube account just waiting to perform but i guess that s only going to happen after 13th oct, which is the end of promos and i can relax for a while =)) shall sing song and compose songs with bro and maybe others. =)) lols. 

really miss playing guitar and desperate to compose a song and play it after being inspired by so many people... =)) 

okay. mugging.. ciao

compose song first =))  

OOOsh!! i bought a  packet of hello kitty marshallow =)) nice!! lols. wanted to buy another one but i thought i would be wasting money. went to eat kfc with jinger, catherine and joannas...  as we didn bring uniform, jinger and i forget about going to land transport authority for interview. hmmm..

today wasnt a very good day. captain's ball was a disaster, the games were fun, with all the toy cars, ping pong balls, bowling. lols. we all had fun. then i saw how upset the hourse exco were. i mean more of stress-ness. some broke down. oh god. it s already good of them to plan everything and though there are loopholes here and there, as long as everyone had fun, why make a big fuss out of it. everyone makes blunders, human beings make blunder. right? i just dont get it. what s all the big who ha.
had chemistry lecture. done. went back  aunt s house, gym-ed and now im going to do my work.. .ciao..


xiao xiao called me today. in fact 10min ago. showed her concern about my results.

i have so many reasons to study hard. it s just another wake up call. thanks. I've been trying to study harder, trying to listen in lectures but i failed to do so today. i slept during chemistry and math lecture for a while and during chinese lessons. i will not use the excuse that i slept at 4am last night.

OH! SOLAR ECLIPSE! It s really a unique full eclipse this time =)) one in a million.

composing songs.

trying to save.

learning self discipline.

trying to be smart.

i want to be the fenni everyone used to know in damai. but it seems that environment changes me totally. im not the one i used to know. the one where everyone looked upon to.

but i wanna try. im not defeated. I shall get Bs or As or Cs for promos.

My aim: I know i can do it if i put in effort

Math: A
Chemistry: C
Physics: C
Econs: B
Chinese: A
GP: C

that s all im asking
tough but attainable.

i want to spend my time with god.

no time to be envy of others. time to start the engine of my own instead of adding oil to others and i myself slowing down

No mood for celebrations
no mood for other things

STUDY! NETBALL! PW! GUITAR! 

no going out till the end of promos!! 

Im trying to save now. bring food to school...
i really hope this time im serious i hope i wont procrastinate again.
i don want to be the uninformed one. i want to be the one to inform.

i need these grades in order answer to myself and aunt.

i don need tuition. im on my own. no one would help me when i fall i need to stand up on myself.

Why are there so many people around who are in love. i mean at least they have a crush on someone or something??
being in love is a sweet but now, the meaning of being in love has been misunderstood. don't you think so?


Im in love with the song "officially missing you" by tamia. her voice s nice!! 

i want to learn dressmaking, designing of clothings.
i want to pay off my debts
i want to live life to the fullest
i want to study harder
i want to study smart
i want to compose nicer songs
i want to stop spending so much
i want to stop thinking about you
i want to focus
i want to learn coffee making
i want to learn how to bake
i want to be closer to god
i want...

many wants with limited resources and ability.

haix.

just did math and have to do pw...

I HAVE A DREAM!. cant wait to fly to cambodia and help those poor little ones. not in term of monetary aid but education wise.

okay. went for a spree today!! bought lots of clothes. need to lose weight!!!!! 

Oo went to plaza singapura to do some stuff with bro and dad. then went funan it mall to see lap top and buy some computer stuff. Ooo yeepee.. im buying my asus laptop! blegue in colour. nice! larhslarhs. anyway, dad went home and so bro and i went bugis to shop. spent 85 bucks on clothes! still wanna buy more but no money! =(

tired.. still have to do hw! haix.

unforeseen tragedy. i have no idea how to fix the broken strings. no matter how much i mend, there ll always be a scar.


there are so many things i need to buy

-laptop
-shoes
-jeans
-shirts
-books
-earrings
-sewing machine


i wanna learn so many things
-drums
-dressmaking
-coffee making
-aikido

there are so many places i wanna go
-cambodia
-japan
-south korea
-germany
-venice

larhslarhs.

limited money to meet many needs and wants
opportunity cost increases.

FRIDAY!! 

Where did i go.. think think.. oh, i went 32 in the morning with weixun, desmond, justina and jie qi.
went home after that. slacked at home.. ooo i did the puzzles huijun justina they all gave me two years ago!! 

SATURDAY! 

went back school for netball. so sian, only six people played, arina, jinger, ella, sharon, tammy and me. haix.
i really dont know how to make netball a better CCA. haix. commitment is very important but apparently a lot don't. to them, this CCA is just inferior and to them, studies PW is everything. tue and thurs are normally training days, now so many tell me that they cant make it. all the appointment, blahblahblah. imagine what happens if mr bok heard all these, we would have be cut of the team. but too bad, we are not a niche cca, we are just losers with a coach who dont really feel like helping us. helpless now.
tell me what to do.

okay nvm... not many are motivated to train harder, i ll train! hmph..

rushed home after having breakfast with arina. went back damai. i felt like an idiot.
saw tang lao shi!! so happy. all the familiar faces.
saw mrs loke!! lols.


hmm. then i went out with laopo until quite late, saw kexin and qian hui.


Oo. i have inspiration.

=))


SUNDAY!! 

work!!! and ran at 11 with desmond. lols. one and half rounds, he ran 3 rounds. Oo..


TODAY!! 

slacked at home sian 9am.

composed three songs, complete songs!! lol. cool =)) but im not sure if it s nice and a lot of weird weird parts, no link. haix. wanted philo to help but desmond didn reply my msg again. so forget it. ahahs.

A SURPRISED FOR HER!! =)) SHHH!

Ever thought how your life would end?? why despite your lives being controlled by parents, the stress to study, all the bad social influences, you re still fortunate?? Ever thought how many lives are worst-off than you?? Ever thought that your constant donation is actually harming them instead of helping them. You think you've done a great job in helping these poor people, but you've not.

i read an article about africa, how she can survive by working on her own and reject all help. Everyone needs to stop helping them, by giving them aid, there are strings attached, debts owed, more sufferings than ever. How could they ever be out of the poverty cycle, may i ask?

I've seen videos about girls in cambodia being sex slaves, being tortured, yet all they can do is oblige to their buyer, owner of the brothel. There is this western man who actually went into on of the many brothels in cambodia and paid hundreds to free a girl. three years later, he came back to look for her, hoping she would be doing well after the liberty, however, he was so disappointed when he found her in the same brothel three years ago. After a hug, she dismissed herself to serve a customer. This is what lives are outside our comfort zone, there are many things we don't know. yet, we re complaining about why should we study, why we cant buy our fav things, why life is unfair towards me, because we are really immature if we think that way. people want to study yet don't have the chance, people don't even have a proper shelter to talk about, and life?? life is unfair, never was it not. so deal with it. be grateful for what we have. life's short, stop complaining and start doing, doing things that are meaningfull and with a purpose.

good luck for chemistry. THREE MORE PAPERS!!

tell me im crazy im having an exam tmr yet im playing, not exactly but im relaxing. im nervous inside and scared but i just feel like running away from all the things i need to do!! haix. three more hours to sleep hope i can do some math and physics.